I’ve Been to Paradise…
By Robyn Logan
Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You’re a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I’ve no doubt you dream about the things you’ll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you
Artist: Charlene
Song: I’ve Never Been To Me
Do you remember that song? The one that went like this “I’ve been to Paradise, but I’ve never been to me?” Well, I am happy to say that, I’ve just been to Paradise AND I’ve been to me!
I have just come back from a ten day trip to London without my children. Let me just repeat that in case you didn’t get it the first time. My partner and I went on a holiday and our kids went to their cousin’s house for an adventure. Not only that - but I also went off by myself to Portugal for three days out of the ten.
Now I must say this decision wasn’t made easily and even after I made it I still had to deal with that devil-guilt-mother on my shoulder saying things like “What sort of mother are you leaving your kids just to go off and enjoy yourself?”
Well, now I can answer that devil with “I am the sort of Mother who knows that if I take care of myself I can take even better care of my kids!” It’s sort of like the oxygen mask theory, you know the one.. on airplanes when the flight attendant tells mothers to put the oxygen mask on themselves first and then their children. Makes sense really… if you pass out, you can’t take care of your kids.
This 10 day trip was like one great big oxygen mask. I got to do a lot of things that having a 5 yr old and a 3yr old (and a business) don’t enable you to do.
I got to spend long hours just walking.
I walked for miles through the streets of London and then later I walked fro miles along the beach in Portugal (from Espinho to Aguda to be exact!). That sort of long, lazy walking doesn’t happen very often, which means that the sort of thinking that happens on long walks doesn’t happen very often.
I got to read.
And not just business, marketing or coaching books, but an actual novel. And quite a dense one (Wolf Totem by Jiang Rong).
I spent quality time with Deb (my partner).
We actually had conversations that weren’t about who was picking up what kid from which activity at what time (can you relate?) And we had absolutely carefree fun, something that also doesn’t happen that often with both of us working full time.
I spent quality time by myself.
I have always loved holidaying by myself and I did a lot of it in my 20’s. I used to book a place for a week or a weekend and just go away and read and walk and be with myself. To have the opportunity to do this again was pure magic.The result of these activities is that I got to step away from my “normal life” for a few days. I got to be “not a mother”, “not a partner” and “not a business woman”, I got to be “me”. It sounds corny I know. In fact I can hear the chorus of “I’ve been to Paradise” in my head as I type.
On the way home on the plane (bumped up to Business Class just to top off a perfect vacation) Deb and I had a mini strategic planning session for our lives and our family. We talked about our vision for ourselves personally, our vision for our kids and our vision for our family as a whole. We then looked at practical strategies we could put into place to make that happen. It occurred to me while we were dong this that what we had done was really no different to corporate planning retreats.
It is common in business for whole teams to go away for a week or so and do some strategic planning and maybe a touch of team building. Business owners recognise the value in getting people “away from the office” and they recognise the value in taking time out periodically to evaluate where you have been, work out where you are going and identify how you are going to get there.
I think it’s a shame that a practice that is very common in business is not so common in our personal lives. In a way I do this sort of activity with my coach every week, but it is not the same as taking out a block of concentrated time. I know for me this is now the first of many. Deb and I have committed to taking three days off a year and going away by ourselves. Our kids will hardly notice, our work will go on as always, but for us the value is immense.
What do you do to find the time to “just be you” and to reflect on your life and plan for your future? Post to the blog and tell us, I’m interested to see how people configure this into their lives.