The Principal, The Teacher and The Coach
by Robyn Logan
Last newsletter I wrote about some problems my son Ryder was having at his school. He perceived his teacher as very ‘angry’, he often cried when it was time to go to school and he had a complete aversion to reading and writing.
As unbelievable as it seems, we have seen a full 180 degree shift in Ryder over the past 4 weeks. He is now happy in the mornings, likes his teacher and – amazingly – has started to enjoy writing! Last weekend I found him practicing writing in his special writing book our friend had given him. It was 9pm at night, he was hanging out his bed using the light from the hallway when he should have been sleeping, but hey, there he was writing a whole page of “b’s” all by himself. I was so happy I turned the hallway light up more and told him he could stay up a bit later if he wanted to practice more. 
There are several factors that contributed to our success here, but there are 3 clear factors which I think made all the difference:
1. The Principal’s management style
2. The openness of the teacher
3. The “coach approach” I used when dealing with the school.
The Principal
The way the Principal handled the situation was fantastic. I went up and met with him and felt extremely well listened to. I was in his office less than 10 minutes because all he really did in that first meeting listen and gather information. Then he met with the teacher, he brought her in and delivered the feedback I had given him in a direct, but non-judgmental way. He then gave her two days to think about it before responding. So he didn’t put her on the spot, he really gave her a chance to deal with any emotions she had about the feedback before coming back for a discussion.
Once he had talked it through with her he suggested a “round table” with all three of us. He then facilitated a discussion about the issues and possible strategies, but he let me know beforehand that I also would not be put on the spot to make any decisions about Ryder’s future. He said he would excuse the teacher and then we would identify a way forward. I was really impressed with the way he facilitated the round table discussion, which resulted in the teacher and I working out 3 or 4 good strategies to shift Ryder’s perspective of school.
The Teacher
The teacher’s openness to look at the issues and take responsibility for addressing them was commendable. She really was quite amazing, A different person in her situation might have felt angry that I had “gone over her head” to the Principal, or threatened by the fact that I was pretty much saying she was the problem (although of course not in those words!!) But she didn’t. She came to the table sincerely wanting to find a way to support Ryder in finding some joy in school.
Today they had open day at the school and I sat in Ryder’s classroom for half an hour and observed. It was like a different room, much calmer, no yelling and all the kids (including Ryder) were happy.
The teacher came up to me privately after the Open Day and told me she feels really bad about what happened. She feels she had let her personal life come into the classroom and that the situation with Ryder was a real wake up call. It turns out that she is in the middle of divorcing her husband of 20 years, poor thing. (So when Ryder kept insisting she was “really angry” she actually was, just not at him but at her ex-husband!!)
I am really impressed with the way she behaved. She didn’t play victim, or go on the attack. She listened, reflected on how she may have been responsible and then took action to change the situation.
The Parent (who happens to be a coach!)
I am certain that a large part of this success is the “coach approach” I used when working with the school. I find I regularly use many of the concepts we teach at ICA in my everyday life. Here in no particular order are some of the concepts and principals I used when working with the school to resolve this issue:
1. I was clear about my goal (to have Ryder enjoy learning)
2. I was not attached to any one particular way of achieving my goal (i.e. I didn’t push for him to move classes and was open to working with the teacher)
3. I didn’t go into blame mode (I made sure to say that I didn’t think what the teacher was doing was “right” or “wrong”, it just didn’t work for Ryder)
4. I gave effective feedback (once again no judgment in my tone, just simple description of Ryder’s behavior and feelings about school)
5. I was solutions focused (”how can we get Ryder to enjoy learning?” vs. “He hates school, hates his teacher etc.”)
6. I began with a healthy dose of acknowledgment (I acknowledged the school and the teacher and what they had done that was RIGHT and was WORKING)
7. I offered ways for Ryder to reframe his perspective (I talked to him about the things he did like at school, and we brainstormed other possible reasons his teacher might be angry)
The power coaching has to transform normal, everyday experiences and situations is enormous. It is something we hear from students all the time. They come in to our school to train as professional coaches and what they find is that they receive a whole lot of value for their personal lives as well.
If you are interested in finding out more about how coaching can work in your life, email us at training@icoachacademy.com